Sunday, February 6, 2011

Dear Lord...

Right now, I am so content with my life. I have a safe, warm place to sleep, plenty to eat and drink when I need it, and a lot of people I care about that I can spend time with. I'm in excellent health. I have loving parents and awesome siblings and friends. I have plenty of time to read my Bible and practice guitar and write music. I have a job I enjoy, which allows me to pay bills and afford living. I have a reliable car. Everything seems so complete.

The only thing that feels missing is a desire to share my life with someone, in the form of a relationship. I say, "feels missing" because this has always been a desire of my heart, but for now I guess I just don't really feel that. It sorta feels unusual. I think maybe the only unsettling part about it is sometimes I'm afraid I'll never want a relationship.

I love being alone. I love spending hours playing guitar and writing music. Don't get me wrong, I love people but I also love isolation. The only reason I say I'm a little afraid of this feeling is the fact that I want a family of my own so badly. I want to fall in love again, I want to get married and enjoy all of the happiness God created in the love a man and a woman can share. Therein lies my feeling of confusion; maybe I've just experienced so much of the wrong, I'm afraid to let the right happen.

It's possible this is just a phase I need to go through. I don't know the answer, I just know how thankful I am for very rarely worrying about things like these.

Thank you, God for caring about all the petty troubles of my heart.


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